


Apologize

by Semi_problematic



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Heavy Angst, Insecurity, M/M, Socket play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 03:16:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15133895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: "No, I mean, yeah, I should make myself at home but this stuff its..." It scares people. Its disgusting and gross and horrifying. Every time people see it they act like hes a freakshow. He looks like the things they kill. "Personal.""Personal?" Negan laughed. Deep and loud. His chest vibrated dramatically from the laughter. Negan was always much more dramatic than he needed to be. Michonne says Negan acts dramatic and loud because he used to not be heard. Thats why hes power hungry and adores the people that bend to his will and bow down. "Carl, a few hours ago I had you bent over with my dick in your ass. I think seeing a socket is a lot less personal than fucking."





	Apologize

**Author's Note:**

> Carl is 18/19 like always

It was dark outside and most of the chatter that echoed throughout the Sanctuary had died down. People were retiring to their rooms and the shift change was beginning. Some walked out, still in a half asleep daze from waking up and eating dinner while others walked inside in a exhausted trance. Negan was already in bed, his clothes from the day in a pile on the floor. Sheets laid across him, the cloth covering up everything from the waist down. Only one lamp remained on in the room and that was because of Carl.

"Are you gonna come to bed or what?" Negan turned his head to the side and looked at Carl who had already shrugged off his flannel and kicked off his boots. His sheriff hat sat on the night stand next to the lamp. "You taking your sweet time for a reason?" 

"I'm changing." Carl whispered, pulling off his shirt. He made sure to fold it and lay it with his pants on the chair near the bed. "If you're so tired go to sleep." He grumbled, running his fingers through his hair. He knelt down next to his bag and dug around in it before pulling out a plastic bag and walking towards the door. Negan stopped him before he could make it out. 

"Watcha doing?" Negan rolled onto his side and eyed Carl like he was an open book. And Carl was, but most of his pages were missing while others didn't tell the truth. Carl was easy to read. But that didn't mean what they were reading was the real thing. "You going to get high or something?" He chuckled. "Kid, you don't gotta hide from me. I doubt whatever you're doing doesn't need to be hidden." 

Carl looked down at the bandages in the plastic bag. He chewed on his inner cheek and kept his eyes trained on each of the fibers that made up the cloth. "I..." He swallowed the lump in his throat, nearly choking. "I need to wrap my eye again. Clean it some, too. Nothing big." He forced a smile while fear rushed through his veins. 

They hadn't talked about his socket since the day Carl snuck in. Carl thought about iy though. Each time he passed a mirror he remembered the vile things Negan said. The truth. Lori always said behind every joke was the truth. Negan may have been busting his balls, messing with him like he was one of the guys, but he was also saying things he thought.

Negan didn't blame Carl for covering it up. He thought it was disgusting and gross. That didn't surprise, Carl. He hated the socket. For weeks he kept all mirrors covered. It wasn't painful because it came from Negan either. They weren't dating yet. The reason it hurt was because someone said it to him. Carl didn't doubt that people saw it and were disgusted. But he never had someone look at him and say it. 

"Why do you need to leave to do that? You can do it in here. I got mirrors." Negan swung his legs over the edge of the bed and walked towards the dresser that stood tall in his room. He moved a few things off and kicked a trash can towards the front of it. "You've been staying. Might as well make yourself at home, right?" Negan was bad at social cues. Very, very bad. "Kid, you're staring at me like I lost my damn mind."

It was just hard for Carl to believe Negan didn't remember. Every time Carl saw himself he heard those words. Disgusting and gross. He repeated them to himself like a song. Like a punishment. Carl smiled at him, leaning against the wall, fidgeting with the bag. "No, I mean, yeah, I should make myself at home but this stuff its..." It scares people. Its disgusting and gross and horrifying. Every time people see it they act like hes a freakshow. He looks like the things they kill. "Personal."

"Personal?" Negan laughed. Deep and loud. His chest vibrated dramatically from the laughter. Negan was always much more dramatic than he needed to be. Michonne says Negan acts dramatic and loud because he used to not be heard. Thats why hes power hungry and adores the people that bend to his will and bow down. "Carl, a few hours ago I had you bent over with my dick in your ass. I think seeing a socket is a lot less personal than fucking." 

"I just don't want to do it in front of you, alright? Sex is personal and it works because I trust you." Carl wanted to say Negan was lucky enough he got to sleep with Carl after the stuff he said, but he didn't. It wasn't worth a fight and it wasn't worth remembering how his heart sank. Negan had barely just met him and he already thought Carl was sickening. "Stop being so damn nosy, Jesus Christ." Carl swung the door open and walked out, making his way down the hall towards the bathrooms.

On each level of the Sanctuary there was a bathroom. One for men and one for women. It had rows of showers and stalls for bathrooms. Ten sinks were stuck against the walls and slowly falling off. Paper towel dispensers had been empty for years, but some still bothered walking over and trying. It was a habit. A habit from the old world. A habit the kids growing up now would never feel. Two people were in the mens bathroom, one was showering while the other leaned over a sink with shaving cream all over his face and a razor in hand.

Carl stood in the doorway, keeping his head down. Thankfully, his hair covered most of his face. Him missing an eye wasn't a big deal and it was hardly a secret, but he still got shy when he dealt with it. Normally, the bathrooms would be empty right now, but Negan took twice as many men on a trip to scavenge today and they all came back bloody and tired. Carl could still see the pink stains from the blood on the barely white tiles. He would have to wait until the shaving man left to unwrap his eye. Carl didn't want to deal with another reaction like Negans. He couldn't.

Carl backed out of the doorway and walked back to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. He sat down on the bed, keeping his back turned to Negan who was already back in bed. "Theres too many people in there," It wasn't completely a lie. There were too many people for Carls comfort. "So don't think I came back in here because I'm not mad at you. I'm pissed and annoyed but I rather not be surrounded by bloody and half naked men when I fix my bandages." 

"You're being difficult." Negan sighed. Carl wondered what it was like to be married to Negan. He wondered how Lucille handled it. How did she not want to strangle him every time they got in a fight. Carl had grown up around Rick and Lori. Rick always took blame, always said sorry, and always stayed calm. He never got angry with her or invalidated her. Rick listened and always tried to fix it. Lori said Rick made her feel crazy. Negan drove Carl crazy. "Just change your bandages in here-" 

"Why do you want me to so bad?" Carl snapped. His arms were at his sides, his hands balled into fists. He stood up and whipped around, glaring at him. "You wanna make fun of me again or something? Tell me how fucking ugly it is? Say how gross it is?" He shook his head. "No, I'm not letting you do that again." He wasn't going to let Negan tear him apart. 

"What?" Negan stared at him like he was crazy. Carl wanted to punch him in the nose. How dare he not know how bad it hurt. How dare he not know what it's like to worry. "Carl, its not disgusting. Its badass-" 

"Shut up." Carl snapped. "The day I came here you weny on and on about how gross it was. It wasn't some joke and it still isn't. You fucking insulted me and go ahead and call me a baby for getting upset. I don't-" His eye locked with Negans. "I dont care. Okay?" 

"I..." Negan sighed, shaking his head. "Kid, I'm sorry. I really am. Its easy to forget that you aren't a man no matter how brave and strong you are. I really... I mean it. Okay? And I'm shit at talking but I care about you." He climbed out of the bed and walked around towards Carl, standing only a foot from him. "I'm trying here, okay? I'm an asshole." 

"Yeah," Carl mumbled. "You are. And a huge dick. And inconsiderate and self centered-"

"Alright, alright." Negan smiled. It was soft. For a moment Carl felt safe. Negan looked like his dad. Old and tired but kind. "I get it," His arms wrapped around his waist, enveloping him in warmth and safety. "I'm the fucking worst, aren't I?" 

"Mhm." Carl whispered. "And it isn't okay." Negan needed a hardass like Lucille. Someone who kept him in line. "But I forgive you." He ran his fingers through Negans hair, smiling. "But I swear to god, if you make one comment-" 

"I won't." Negan raised his arms in defense. "I swear, I won't. No more socket jokes until you're ready." He smiled a smile that reminded Carl why he was here. A smile that showed he was an asshole, but he also cared. Just a little bit. "And when you are ready, call me. I have an entire list made up."

"A list?" Carl teased, pecking his lips before backing away. "Glad to know you're so organized." He picked up the plastic bag full of bandages and walked past Negan towards the place Negan had cleaned off. He stood in front of the mirror, spending a few seconds wishing it wasn't there. He took a deep breath and started to unwrap his socket, keeping his eye closed. Carl knew Negan was staring, he could feel it, but he didn't want to see it.

By the time the last of the bandages fell to the ground, the room was silent. All Carl could hear was his own heavy breathing. Quickly, he tore the bag open and pulled out the new bandages, tossing the old ones into the small metal trashcan. Negan was behind him now, hovering only inches away. He was studying Carl. The way he moved, the way he could do it without looking. 

"Can I touch it?" Negan whispered. It wasn't cruel or mocking. It wasn't a joke or a jab. "If you don't Wang me to its fin-" 

"You can." Carl whispered. He looked at himself in the mirror before looking back at Negan. He turned around and looked up at him, smiling softly. "Its pretty bad up close." For the first few weeks Carl couldn't look at it. He would cry or vomit if he did. Now he could tolerate it. But that didn't stop him from hating every minute of it. "Go ahead.." 

Negan slowly reached out and cupped his cheek. He ran his thumb across the scarred skin below the socket before slowly making his way up into the actual socket. He touched it gently, filled with care and curiosity. "Does it hurt?" It was weird seeing Negan hold back. Carl had yet to see him so vulnerable. 

"Sometimes. But only if I touch it too hard. You're fine..." Carl whispered. "Really, its just kinda numb. All the nerves are screwed up in all these fancy ways but Denise..." He stopped talking. It was easy to forget Negan and his people had killed so many of his friends. "But yeah. It doesn't hurt always and it hardly ever hurts too bad. It can sting when I clean it sometim-" 

Carl was cut off by Negan leaning down and placing a kiss on the scarred skin. Then another kiss above the socket. He pressed his lips all over the skin around it before pulling away. Negan kissed Carl softly, filling him with love and sucking out any rationality left. Not that there was much to begin with. Carl depended the kiss, blushing when he felt fingers ghosting across his socket. Negan bit his lower lip and caused him to moan as he rubbed the inside of his socket the way he touched Carl between his legs. 

Oh. Thats what he was doing. Not that Carl cared. It felt nice having Negan like it, especially like that. Carl always worried that it was ugly which was why he kept it covered during sex. But now maybe he wouldn't. Maybe when Carl stripped off his clothes he would strip down his bandages, too. Negan was the first to pull away, breathing heavily when he did so. Carl was panting with pink cheeks and swollen lips. 

"You should wrap your eye," Negan mumbled, the corners of his lips curving up into a devilish smirk. "If you want to." He winked before turning back towards the bed and climbing into it. Carl hated how cocky he was. How he could walk away like he wasn't just kissing Carl and fingering his socket. 

"Yeah," Carl swallowed the lump in his throat. "I probably should." If Negan wanted to tease him then two could play at that game.


End file.
